 Things We Can Do to Make Our Churches Safe Places
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On any given Sunday morning you might hear many church attendees sharing a prayer concern - "Please keep my Aunt Thelma in your prayers. She was just diagnosed with cancer." Or perhaps, "Remember our youth this week as they are away at work camp." It is perfectly safe to raise these concerns with our church family because they are "safe" subjects. What hurts or concerns are typically NOT shared in church? Why aren't they shared? What are the impediments? Finally, what can the church do to become a safe (safer) place to share? These are the questions we put to several Brethren, and their responses are summarized here in two parts. Part 1 provides responses to several hurts or concerns. Part 2 is one respondent's closer evaluation of the issue of disabilities.
Our hope is that you will use this resource as you seek to make the church a safe place. Part 1 - Some Ways the Church Can Become a Safe Place What hurts or concerns are typically NOT shared in church?
Why aren't these issues shared? What are the impediments?
What can the church do to become a safe (safer) place to share?
Part 2 - Three Questions Commonly Asked by Congregations of People with Disabilities 1. How do people with disabilities and their families feel about their situation? They reflect a range of feelings including grief, loss, anger, sadness and disappointment. They experience the "death of a dream" in terms of the expectations we all have of a reasonably normal, fulfilling life. People, deeply touched by disability, become "theologians" in the sense that they are faced with the hard questions of life, e.g. "Why has God allowed this? Where is God in my suffering?" Families often retreat into isolation and require a "ministry of presence" by the faith community. Sadly families living with disabilities often have to take the initiative in making congregations aware of their needs. Congregations fear intruding and often lack the information and understanding to reach out to these families. Congregations need to be willing to err in terms of saying or doing the wrong things. After all, God's grace exceeds our ability to mess things up! We need to "hear the stories" of families coping with disability. They need to find a "safe" person who can listen for pain, despair, hope and their view of the world. Humor is important. It is the "lubrication" that allows pain and joy to co-exist. Families can be helped by the faith community to "turn their mirrors into windows," looking outside themselves in the service of meeting the needs of others. 2. How shall we relate to people with disabilities? We begin by saying "hello," a basic invitation to inclusion. We need to see the person first. It is crucial to use respectful language, but not be paralyzed by political correctness. To relate most effectively we need to face our own fears in the presence of "differentness." Getting in touch with our own disabilities, often invisible, will generate empathy. Look for the similarities between us and remember that we all need to be loved and accepted. If we do not understand speech, ask for clarity. People with certain types of disabilities may ask probing, even embarrassing questions. Such apparent lack of inhibition can be both startling and refreshing. Perhaps we can even "learn" to improve our own social skill development! Modeling discreet, vulnerability helps people with disabilities to feel trusted and worthy and to be vulnerable in return. We need to listen, trying not to speak for them. Permitting them to struggle a bit may not reduce our discomfort but will nurture their growth. Relating to people with disabilities calls for us to view them as a genuine part of God's creation, made in His image, worthy of love, respect and inclusion in every aspect of life. Furthermore, God may love them with just a little more passion! 3. To what extent can people with disabilities be included in full participation in the faith community? The extent to which all people's gifts are used within the life of a congregation is a measure of its' spiritual hardiness. There needs to be an accent on mutual service, a willingness to serve and be served by each other. Inclusion and full participation are limited by several things: (a) our theological view of disability - an expression of the angelic, the demonic, the innocent to be pitied or the person for whom Christ also died, who has natural spiritual needs that call for nurturing; (b) our willingness to adapt rituals for inclusion, e.g. baptism, feetwashing; and (c) our comfort level with differentness and imperfection. We can anticipate that persons with disabilities will expression their faith in simple yet profound ways. Their motto, like that of all of us, is "I'll give all I know about myself to all I know about God." People with disabilities deserve the opportunity to participate fully bringing all of their imperfections with them - just like the rest of us. Obviously, issues of safety must be factored in. An occasional accessibility audit is appropriate. Congregations pursuing safety for all may want to operate by the following: "Eliminate stairs and stares!" |
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